FAREWELL

December 08, 2024

FAREWELL

“I wept like a child. It was not because I was overcome at having survived my ordeal, though I was. Nor was it the presence of my brothers and sisters, though that too was very moving. I was weeping because Richard Parker had left me so unceremoniously.” Yann Martel _ Life of Pi

Hello Everyone,

ROTTEN DEATH

I hate farewells, they take a lot out of me, it is a complete array of emotional work. They are so unnatural. They're much the same as a silent monster that gets pleasure by attacking from inside. The pain of parting from someone, is no doubt, similar to a lurking predator that remains hidden, ready to ambush a vulnerable prey. Goodbyes resemble a small rotten death.

Whit each goodbye, there's nothing I can do about the awful lump inside my throat. The gloomy feeling that comes with it, lingers in the air so thick, I can almost see it. Unlike some people might said, there is absolutely nothing to learn from the dreadful experience, there is only pain and despair.

In my life, obviously, I had said goodbye to people for many reasons; in as many ways and variations as I recall. In the same way, I had said farewell to situations and even events; this almost always implies that there is a change in my life, that it has to be replace with a new beginning. In some cases, the farewell is not necessarily a bad thing, even though, the adjustment could be painful.

EMOTIONAL JOB

All this years teaching piano, I've never gotten used to the idea of departing from my students. It is part of teaching, students come and go ALL the time, and for so many reasons. But even though I knew this, the ache in my heart was deep every time I had to say goodbye to one of them, and yes, I abhor the idea.

Teaching piano is an emotional job, the amount of hours investing in guiding the student is phenomenal. The attachment is imminent, for the reason that I get to know their dreams, their lives. I knew the problems they were facing, either at home or school. I wasn't only their music teacher, I was a friend, an adviser, analyst, psychiatrist, baker, brother. I guess you could say, I was part of their support system in life.

INSTANT VS ETERNITY

The heartfelt emotion moments when someone dies, it had been the most difficult farewell, not only because everything in those moments is futile, but also, because of the unfairness of it all. Indeed, life is a sizable succession of endless greetings and goodbyes, of which, the intensity of each isn't equally proportional in whatever way.

Did I do enough for the person departing?, Did I say to much or too little?. Those questions always hunt me down when is time to say goodbye. It is funny, it takes an instant to say hello and an eternity to say goodbye. But I do not have the power to make people stay, or bring back with me.

A REPROACH

This week, the unthinkable happened, I had to say goodbye to my beautiful love bird: Mango. He was a gift from Tim. I cried almost as bitterly as when Tim passed. They'd left me, both had done it in such unceremoniously and so unexpectedly way.

It sounds like a reproach, and maybe deep inside it is. All I know is that my wound, has been cut open all over again, and left me bleeding. Suddenly, I am drowning in my sorrowful tears one more time. Processing somebody's departure is not easy, but processing two? I supposed one gain experience. I've written a poem expressing my grief:

Farewell my friend

I was not prepared

Would I be seeing you again?

good-bye my sweet companion

I was in despair

Would you be seeing me again?

All I needed was a sign

but I was ignored

All I wanted was a brand-new heart

but I felt scorned

I should've known

It is all so unfair, so unfair

I should've guessed

It is all in vain, so unfair

There is nothing left behind

and I was not prepared

Would I be seeing you again?

Goodbye my friend

Pain and sorrow everywhere

Would you be seeing me again?

All I asked was comfort

What I got was a blank stared

I needed all this pain to go away

all I got was an empty glare

I should've known

It is all so unfair, so unfair

I should've guessed

It is all so unfair, farewell

THE PROMISE

I had written this cello-piano piece, to reflect the agony and the misery I had experienced with each goodbye, proving at least to myself, the unfairness of life, of which, very well could be, a big box of unexplained detestable affairs. There's no comfort, there is no relief. Good-byes are full of sorrow, they vow to absolutely N O T H I N G.

Farewell

MUSIC Information: