HERE GOES NOTHING

March 01, 2025

HERE GOES NOTHING

There is nothing in the world so much admired as a man who knows how to bear unhappiness with courage. _ Lucius Annaeus Seneca

Hi Everybody,

JOVIAL DEMEANOR
How is it that life manages to inflict pain, with such jovial demeanor, always precisely, at a very inconvenient time? And it doesn't matter where I turn my attention, there is always things to fix, something to mend, articles to repair, things to restored, details to revise, items to glued, an object to patch, areas to clean, situations to correct, positions to adjust, attitudes to tolerate, status to modify, time to coordinate, circumstances to arrange, conflicts to resolved and ideas to confirm, plans to align, thoughts to sort.

Simple daily tasks of this kind, make me be on guard perpetually. On guard against life, that is. It is exhausting. If you are reading this and thinking that I should not complain and be appreciative by focusing instead on the good things, well, fuck off!

LIFE'S STAGES
Excuse me for having a bad day! However, when everything bad happens at once, I am allowed to organize a private pity party, of which I'm the guest of honor. Everyone attending would get a card reciting, in a bold, persuasively tone, the three stages of life.

Birth
What the fuck is all this?
Death

With a pessimistic view of life, I know I am denying myself, the opportunity to have a positive outcome towards anything and everybody, but I also know, deep inside, I will be smiling later, bursting with happiness, because that is fucking life. One day is bad, the next is good, after that goes back to bad. To survive, I have to play the game, a game I cannot win, a game nevertheless!

LIONS AND ZEBRAS
I know my life would had been better, or easier, or different, (oh, how pitiful I sound, even to myself) if only I had been born with some kind of instructions _ some important information as to know how to navigate in life, a manual to consult when unexpected life conditions happen. A compass to consider every time I get lost in the world. And yet, here I am, without answers, trying to stay afloat, while I maneuver my way, day by day, in the mysterious vast ocean in front of me called life.

The strange thing about life is the contradictions that manifest themselves, it is possible for total chaos to dwell in the same place as beauty, and value, in an already overall confusing situation; for example: if I think of a hungry lion attacking a vulnerable zebra in the African Savannah, I'd smile at the beauty of nature, while at the same time, I'd frown at the disturbing scene, because, I do not know if I should be happy for the lion or sad for the zebra.

OUT OF CONTROL
Frequently and shamefully, I under-appreciate my life. Identifying omissions, and shortcomings, has been advantageous to begin the process of molding my thoughts, knowing, not without relief, that life could stop spinning out of control. It is only then, I can see clearly, my existence miraculously transform itself into something delightful, regardless of my complains.

But life being life and I being human, often we crash, and when we do, it is follow by a loud slam and usually something behind fells. At times, we don't see eye to eye, but life being life and I being just a human, we, somehow, go back at being at peace, admittedly enjoying, for the most part, each other's company. Naturally, I love when life makes me lemonade. Who is to blame?

PROVING TO MYSELF
I wrote this peaceful piece in the middle of a week full of chaos, I wanted to prove to myself that IF I put the effort and focus on something reasonable, I could produce an enjoyable melody, a pleasant sounding piece that was not related to how I was feeling in the moment.

All these dreadful feelings were entirely based on what I, foolishly BELIEVE, were life's schemes, a treachery that had been prepared and delivered on a silver plate, especially to me. Entitlement and an unnecessary frivolous spirit came over me.

UNTIL IS NOT
Even though, my problems had not been solved, my attitude had changed. I realized it now, the perspective of my world was wrong. I really thought, I was drowning inside a glass, half full of water. Forgetting at the same time, how excellent swimmer I really am. Surprisingly, it was similar as to having a panic attack. The fear is very real; although, our bodies are far from dying.

After some time to think things over, amazingly, I see the world with different eyes. The dangerous clouds above and beyond, had dissipated. All is good, until is not.

Thanks for reading.

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